Senior Citizens Humor, Just For Laughs, Remember When?

Some senior citizens humor, to laugh at ourselves with, is a great release to a stressful day.

I have come across several and would like to share them with you. I do not claim to be the owner of these, only the recipient through e-mail where I am asked to pass them along. So I am!

Let's start with "Life Lesson #50", I found on the wall at a local restaurant, quite amusing.

"Never fry chicken, in the nude!"

Three senior citizens were playing golf one fine summer day. One of them said, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," replied the second one, "it's Thursday." The third one piped up and said, "Me too! Let's go have a drink!"

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle decided to give him a real treat. "Why don't you grab a gun, take my prized hunting dogs, and go have some fun shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"

"There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!"

Doctor: Mrs. Smith, I have to tell you, I don't like the looks of your husband. Patient's Wife: Neither do I, but he's good to the children.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

You know you have become a senior citizen when you only need two tools in life-WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Woman's Quote of the Day:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

Congratulations to all the kids who were born in the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's sent by: ED (8/18/2006)

REMEMBER WHEN???

First , we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking!

As children, we would ride in cars with no belts or air bags. Ride in the back window and wave at the cars behind us! And riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from a garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't over weight because.....

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day and we were OKAY! We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video taped movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made of dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, and all though we were told it would happen, we did not put our eyes out.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had FREEDOM, FAILURE, SUCCESS, and RESPONSIBILITY, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

CHURCH SIGNS IN THE UK......

THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS THAT CAN NOT BE ANSWERED BY GOOGLE!!!

ADAM BLAMED EVE, EVE BLAMED THE SNAKE AND THE SNAKE DIDN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON!!!

SPEAK WELL OF YOUR ENEMIES; AFTER ALL, YOU MADE THEM!!!

DOWN IN THE MOUTH? COME IN FOR A FAITH LIFT!!!

THE MEEK.....shall inherit the earth IF IT'S ALRIGHT WITH YOU!!!

LET US HELP YOU STUDY FOR YOUR FINAL EXAMS!!!!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SENIOR CITIZEN WHEN;

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

or: In a hostage situation, you are the most likely to be released first.

or: To avoid cutting yourself, you get your spouse to hold the vegetables.

or: For high blood pressure, you cut yourself and bleed a few minutes, to reduce the pressure in your veins.

or: In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

or: If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

or: You suddenly realize that healthy is merely the slowest possible way to die.

If we can't laugh at ourselves, and enjoy some good OLD senior citizens humor, now and then, we might as well just give it all up!! Don't you think so?

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